Monday, 26 November 2012

Kolo Toure is a pretend car salesman called Francois

Honestly this might be my favourite football related story ever.  Man City defender Kolo Toure has been caught out having an affair with a student, who believed that he was a Ghanaian car salesman named Francois.  For two years.  Ha aha a aa ha haaaa


According to the Mirror, Kolo used to sneak into the Zimbabwean model's house wearing baseball cap and sunglasses, managing to keep the affair going for about two years without anyone knowing.


That picture above is of him getting married to his wife by the way.  Did I mention that he got married while he was also plowing this other girl?  No?  Oh well he did.
“I believed everything he said, I am hurt and confused by it all. Maybe he wanted me to be a second wife. I just don’t know. Everything about his strange ­behaviour now all makes sense.”
So perhaps this helps us better understand why he has such a terrible control over his weight.  Not only has he had to put up with two whining women, but he's also probably had dinner with one then been like 'oh I'm just going out.... for a while' and the other one's made him another meal so he has to eat that as well.

'How did he get found out?' I hear you ask.  Shockingly, someone recognised him when he was out with his pretend girlfriend.  Even though he did his very best to cover it up.  Something like this:

'Hey, aren't you Kolo Toure?'
'No.  Wait, I mean who is Kolo Toure?'
'You are!  Hey guys it's Kolo Toure!'
'No no it's not, I'm Francois - a car salesman from Ghana.  Isn't that right baby?  SHIT I'M LATE FOR TRAINING

etc


I'd tell you more but the article the Mirror did is really funny anyway, so just go there and check the rest out

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