MEANWHILE, IN IRAN, they absolutely hate gay people and this is why some Iranian football players may receive 74 lashes after touching their team-mates ass when they scored. Just so you know, this news is from this century - I'm not reporting from the 1785 like you may have thought.
Described as 'immoral', two players are set to be sentenced to the lashes - WITH AN ACTUAL WHIP. You may be slightly surprised to discover that this is actually a pretty good punishment, considering that actual gay people are usually sentenced to death! What the fuck is going on here? How can there be a place in the world in 2012 where they not only kill people for being homosexual, but they still whip people as punishment for being naughty?!!
Also, why 74 lashes?!! Why not just 10?! Or 100? How do you decide that 74 is the correct number for pinching someone's ass? If I was in Iran, and pissed/hyper, they'd have to resurrect my beaten corpse then whip my skeleton to fulfil my punishment because of all the dumb stuff I do to my friends.
And the guy who is having his arse felt doesn't really have a lot of choice in the matter so it's hardly fair that he gets whipped as well is it? It's not as if he can 'prevent external gayness'. So what happens when you get on a train and accidentally brush past someone and touch them intimately?
Also, also... who the fuck has a whip?! Did they just get Indiana Jones there? Why do they have a whip?!!
I am flabbergasted. Flabbergasted, sirs.