According to Alan Pardew, Fabricio Coloccini was so sexy in his last game that it reminded him of England legend Bobby Moore.
It was only during Newcastle's 1-1 draw with Sunderland on Sunday that I realised how weird Coloccini would look like with no hair. I honestly don't know if he has an entire head and his neck is massive, so he'd basically just look like the end of a penis with a face drawn on it. I like it when people with long hair cut it all short and they look totally different. It's like when your girlfriend cuts her hair and dyes it from blonde to dark and it's like you're having sex with a totally different girl. The important thing to remember here is not to act too surprised when she's dyed it back the next day, no matter how improbable that seems. Also don't tell her that you accidentally woke up in someone else's house this morning