American legend Landon Donovan has denied reports that he will go to Everton on loan again, instead he will backpack around Asia. I may have exaggerated.
Donovan has fallen out of love with football because it is full of cunts and he is away from his family too often. Instead he would like to travel the world and spend even more time away from his family. Unless he takes them with him. I once met this weird family staying in a hostel in Malaysia, they were all ginger but even worse than that- the mother insisted on breast feeding her 5 year old child in the communal living room. Why did she have to be Scottish? Our reputation is bad enough.
Hopefully Donovan will get bored of shitty hostels, mosquito bites and awful 17 year olds using literally in every sentence, on their gap year and resign for Everton. I would literally explode with happiness.