Sunday, 16 September 2012

The Top 4 takes shape

GOALS! Plenty of goals yesterday and it hasn't taken long for the league to take shape.

Just look at that head, someone really needs to tell him to loosen his hair band. The top four is Chelsea, Manchester United, Arsenal, Man City. Anyone can beat anyone in this league!

Arsenal have started the season well and mauled Southampton 6-1. Some of their fans are already getting over-excited, stay calm fellas, when Gervinho scores twice, you know the team you are playing are having a nightmare. Podolski scored a free kick because the Southampton keeper was caught in cement. Some regular Joe's scored own goals, Gervinho drunkenly daddly-long-legged his way to two goals and even Walcott scored.

Manchester United creamed Wigan 4-0, as Wigan continued their tradition of doing everything they can to lose at Old Trafford. I thought it was funny after the game when Roberto Martinez went mental about Welbeck diving for a penalty. A penalty that was saved, a penalty that made literally no difference to the game. He should have been angry at his defence, they were appalling. Buttner scored on his debut...Buttner. Scholes scored on his 10,000th game and everyone went, "wow, isn't he old! Imagine he was 23!" - well imagine no further! I did some research and found out that he used to be 23 and incredibly he played for Manchester United then as well.

QPR held Chelsea to a 0-0, mainly because the referee refused to give Chelsea a penalty in case he started a riot. Eden Hazard was clearly fouled in the box and I was annoyed because he is my fantasy captain. You don't get points for rabona passes Hazard, you jerk. Ferdinand didn't shake Terry or Cole's hand as I said yesterday because he said he wouldn't. Lots of people booed John Terry and Torres was mince again so he got subbed and then had a tantrum - it was really great.

Javi Garcia scored on his Man City debut and there he is, looking like a thoroughly nice chap. Man City just cannot win at Stoke and it's really pissing off Roberto Mancini. What pissed him off even more, was Peter Crouch skillfully handballing his way passed Lescott before scoring. In fairness to the referee, Peter Crouch is like 7ft tall so it's hard to notice him. 

Now for the smaller teams - 

Liverpool are rubbish now and struggled to get a point against Sunderland. Steven Fletcher scored again from four yards out and is quickly becoming a "predator". I don't mean he preys on kids or small mammals, I mean he is always getting on the end of crosses or being in the right place at the right time. I think because he's so ugly, defenders give him a bit more space. Suarez was done for diving again, just another reason to hate him (it was probably a penalty). He did score in injury time so the giant rat got the cheese.

Aston Villa defeated Swansea 2-0 with players I'd never heard of scoring - Paul Lambert still couldn't smile.

Everyone loves Fulham and they won 3-0. Berbatov showed that he is still class, as long as you accept that his priority is to look cool and not get all sweaty from running. Things were made easier by Odemwingie booting Riether up the arse and getting sent off.

Oh and someone somewhere watched Norwich draw 0-0 with West Ham. Awful.