Some foolish chap tried to break in to Michael Owen's house. Luckily Michael Owen spends his life on Twitter and documented the whole thing. Mike spotted the man loitering with intent outside his house and uploaded CCTV pictures to twitter. Using all of his brain power, superhero Mike phoned the police knowing full well if he accosted the man himself, someone would end up in a body bag. AND IT WOULDN'T BE MICHAEL OWEN.
As the police turned up, the thief hid in the woods - which was enough to fool the police to begin with. Police officers really are useless. For some reason he then decided to hide in the boot of his van. Owen watched on as the police dragged him out and arrested him.
It made me think of one of my favourite scenes from the Simpsons, when Homer becomes a clown and beats up a man pretending to be the Hamburgler. "Stop, stop, he's already dead".