Monday, 17 September 2012


Milkshakes are so yesterday and don't even talk to me about the hippy, hippy shakes - it's all about handshakes now kids.

It would appear that Hurley from Lost's not so ugly brother has walked onto the pitch. Liverpool will order Luis Suarez to shake Evra's hand when they play Manchester United this weekend. This game couldn't come at a worse time, the chances of the Manchester United fans not singing awful songs about Hillsborough are minimal. Liverpool fans will respond with songs about stabbing Mancs and the Munich air disaster, and on the pitch there will be an all out war that is eventually won by the Rebel Alliance.

If Liverpool win, Alex Ferguson's face will go so red and hot, he might actually turn into a red dwarf star. Not as funny as the television show but maybe about as funny as the newer episodes they made in 2009. They were probably the worst thing a human could ever see - apart from Lisa Reilly and Michelle McManus sunbathing. Maybe it wasn't pilot whales that were beached in Fife, did anyone check?

The best thing Manchester United can do is avoid playing Evra, firstly to avoid the issue but mainly because he is now really shit.