Ronaldo should probably have been one of the greatest players of all time but he kept getting injured, had a seizure before the World Cup final and then got fat. So he's just really lazy. Where is he now? On TV!
It's important to remember that Ronaldo is only 36 at the moment. That's it. He's not like 45 and just put on the pounds as a result of a far more relaxed retirement, it seems like he's actively tried to eat as many things as possible in as short a space of time as he can.
It takes effort to get that fat, man. Regardless, the Brazilian legend has now entered a reality TV show called 'Fantastico' because he wants to get fit for a charity match his old mate Zidane is organising. And of course the only way to burn off five years worth of Burger King is by appearing on a TV show so really he's just lucky that this opportunity has presented itself. His momma is so fat that she's a holiday destination at Thomas Cook.