Poor Emile Heskey, a few years ago he was missing chance after chance for England - now he doesn't even have a club.
Emile Heskey managed to forge out a rather successful career out of being built like a tank. Unfortunately as he got older, the tank started to rust and could no longer make up for the fact that he wouldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat. That was a reference to him not being able to hit the target and not his legendary fear of boats - which I just made up.
Now a free agent and looking for work, Heskey might come to the rescue of conference club Macclesfield. Macclesfield are close to where he lives and would also mean that he wouldn't have to try that hard. Heskey claims that he's had offers from at home an abroad but conisdering it's now the 15th of September and he is still a free agent, I don't believe him.
If you would like a Heskey, he eats three times a day, will need a walk in the evening and is fully toilet trained. He does have a fondness for eating shoes so best to keep them in the porch.