Alan Pardew has signed a new contract with Newcastle United, tying him to the club for the next eight years. This is also pronounced 8.
Look at that suave mother-hubbard. You can't get anything past someone that cool, unless it's a lucrative contract for him and his backroom staff who Mike Ashley appears to deem the best he could possibly get. Newcastle have been pretty superb since Pardew took over from Chris Hughton so it's fair enough, but if you remember for a second that this is football land then eight years is pretty much like signing a contract for the rest of time. It's like a phone contract with TalkTalk, whose tactic to avoid giving me my money back was to simply hang up. And now I think about it, that actually worked really well. So kudos to you Alan Pardew, for taking my money away while I was at university and providing me with shitty internet.