Real Madrid have just unveiled Luka Modric as their new player. Like now.
The Croatian is heading over there for £35million and I know that because I just made it up. It sounds about right though and I'm going to guess it's a 5 year contract and he's getting paid a lot of money. I should probably be a wizard or one of those fortune teller people or something. It was either that or be a doctor, and all they do is make people sad. "I'm afraid you're going to die" or "we're going to have to remove your leg" are much less fun than just guessing who they might get shagged by next. The fortune teller bit doesn't even brighten up their day. I'm an entertainer, man - if you invite me to your hospital ward, don't complain when I try and make someone happier and horny. And if I just break in anyway and do it you still shouldn't complain, because it's really damaging to my court case.