Michael Owen is super sad and lonely

Poor little Michael Owen is so lonely and sad.  He just wants some friends to play with but still no-one has asked him round.

The striker took to Twitter to say:

I hope this is the last weekend I have to watch football on TV. Desperate to get back into it.

 And then I assume cried into his wine while staring at pictures of horses.  I dunno, maybe he didn't.  It seems like Stoke want to sign him but if I'm perfectly honest I think I'd rather punch my own family to death than have to hang out with any of the scumbags that play for that team.  And I really hope the police think that's as good an explanation as I do.