Greetings football fans, welcome to another edition of Monday, brought to you by 'I was mostly too drunk all weekend to do any actual writing'. Also, it turns out that Newcastle are trying to sign Andy Carroll on loan, which is quite funny.
There are some concerns in Newcastle that having Andy Carroll back might encourage him to go nuts and start downing pints in the town with his mates, and there are others that he doesn't really fit Newcastle's style of play anymore. Either way, Liverpool have rejected the approach by Alan Pardew because "it would be really embarrassing for us". Paying £35million for a striker and then putting him back to that club on loan is like if you rushed to the airport to stop your girlfriend leaving, begged her to stay and then realised that you hate her while you're watching a movie later that night. I don't know why Ryan Gosling isn't talking either, please just shut up