Mario Balotelli has been hard at work getting ready for the new season by racking up an Ibiza bar's biggest ever drinks tab. Superb effort, man.
The crazy faced party assassin has been living it up on the Balearic island and in particular in one bar owned by Gary Lineker's brother. His name is Wayne. Bruce Wayne?!!! Maybe. Actually, no. DEFINITELY! BRUCE WAYNE LINEKER FIGHTING EVIL WITH CRISPS
CHA CHA CHA
CRUUUUUNCH THERE GOES THE CRISPINESS OF VICTORY
and then Balotelli bought loads of drinks for cool dudes, sluts and lots of people in between and flew off on that dragon dog thing from the Never Ending Story, which is where the story actually ends. As Balotelli feeds it buckfast and crashes it into Big Ben.
Did I mention we won a comedy award the other night?