Manchester United are floating some shares on the New York stock exchange so they can build a time machine to keep Paul Scholes playing until the robots enslave us all.
Oh what's that? You damn right I've been to NYC bitches. And that is where Man United be all like hitting up and stuff, if by hitting up you mean floating some shares on the American stock market. I just said that moving thing to make you click on it, if I'm honest. I have to confess that I really don't know or care enough about the stock market yet to truly understand the benefit/bad parts of this move but the man on Radio 4 this morning seemed to think it was to free up cash to buy new players or just prevent the club melting down if they don't get into the Champions League again. When I hear people talking about shares I just pretend to listen and actually think about what girls look like naked. This actually also works for meetings, awkward chats on the street with people you don't really know and in murder trials when the lawyers are all arguing. Can't we all just be friends?