Monday, 9 July 2012

Balotelli doesn't do preseason...

but if he did, it would look something like this.

Whilst banal, boring bastards like Michael Owen talk about all the great fitness sessions they are doing in pre-season, Mario is out getting smashed on champagne and smoking hookah pipes.  His ex-girlfriend claims she is pregnant which royally pissed off Super Mario who demanded a maternity test and then jetted off to St.Tropez to get touched up by sycophantic slags and punish his liver.

Did someone draw that chaps mustache on using the paint brush tool or is that real? Either way it looks horrendous. Balotelli actually got an extended break after the Euros before returning to training so it's good to see him relaxing and mentally preparing himself for the season ahead. Nothing focuses the brain and gets you in shape quite like tobacco and alcohol. I'm not sure what Mario is looking at in this picture, but for him to be shocked it must be something incredible. One can only assume it involves Joleon Lescott's Klingon head in some way.