Friday, 1 June 2012

Romelu Lukaku feels worthless

Chelsea paid £20million for an 18 year old last year and then became annoyed when it turned out he would become 19, and then even 20.  What is this sorcery!?  Romelu Lukaku has something to say about this unjust transfer he is the subject of.


There is no way this dude is 19, unless in Belgium they calculate how old you are by how many other humans you can eat in one go.  Lukaku was one of europe's hottest prospects this time last year but only started 4 games for Chelsea in the last season.  Because he has a soul and some self respect he refused to celebrate the FA Cup and Champions League victories because he didn't actually do anything towards winning them and I think that's nice:
"When [Salomon] Kalou put the cup on my lap in the bus I asked him to take it away immediately. I didn't want to touch it because just as with the Champions League I had no part in it at all.  Chelsea really wanted me last summer and paid a lot for me but after a while I thought, are you just throwing money around?
Well Romelu, I can relate here because I too have been rejected by someone who has paid lots of money for me.  They seemed so keen at the start and everything was magical but then they started demanding hand jobs every day and slowly I realised that this guy was just pretending to be Batman.  He wasn't really Batman. Wait, what were you talking about again?