Friday, 1 June 2012

Hulk is almost definitely going to Chelsea

According to every newspaper of all time, Hulk will move to Chelsea in the next few days for about £38million, which is an awful lot for a player based solely on his reputation and not how well he'll actually fit into the team.  Ah well, that's never worked out badly before.

Yes expect to see lots of puns about Hulk 'not getting mad' and how he's 'green with envy' and blah blah blah.  As much as this guy would love to score the most goals at the Euros, he can't because he's actually Brazilian.  At least with the amount of money he's set to earn from Chelsea he could build his own fully immersive FIFA 13 chamber where he runs on like a treadmill thing and that way he can pretend to be playing for someone like Greece or Portugal or whatever.  And then he could change mid way through to flying a space ship or become Tony Hawk for only a little while, perhaps even rescuing a princess while dressed as a fat, midget plumber and jumping on turtles to kill them.  Maybe he could even combine the life of Grand Theft Auto and FIFA together as one!  I call it 'Ched Evans' Super Soccer'.