England midfielder Frank Lampard will miss Euro 2012 because he's too fat. Or injured. Or injured as a result of his fatness. Why am I so mean to this guy all the time?
I actually quite like Frank Lampard so it confuses me when I spend large periods of time calling him fat, which as we all know, is the worst thing in the world to be. Well, it's either that or being a terrorist, and England will now head to the tournament with Jordan Henderson galloping along like the half man/half labrador that he is. Having him in the team is like getting a guard dog to defend your house, but he just licks people that break in and scares them off by trying to hump them. Not in a scary way, he's just really excited about everything. There will be no more a majestic site in Euro 2012 than when Jordan Henderson chases down Samir Nasri and penetrates him mid counter attack.