Monday, 25 June 2012


I couldn't be bothered thinking of an intelligent headline. England went out on penalties last night and the whole world united in uttering the words, "I knew this would happen."

Let's be honest, England were shit. Joe Hart decided to kick the ball straight to an Italian player every single time he had it, they couldn't pass, they couldn't keep the ball - it was a shambles. Luckily for them, with a combination of Italy aiming for John Terry and Joleon Klingon Lescott helping out, they hung on for penalties.

Playing for penalties when you are England is a really bad idea. Joe Hart tried his best to put off the Italian players but ended up just distracting himself and didn't actually save one penalty. He could take credit for Montolivio missing but that would be desperate.You could tell Ashley Young was going to miss by his run-up, there was aboslutely zero composure as he hit the ball as hard as he could, straight down the middle and off the bar. Everything Ashley Young wasn't, Andrea Pirlo was - he strolled up with a cigarette in his mouth and dinked the ball over Joe Hart.

Usually the consummate arrogant twat, it was actually Ashley Cole who took the deciding penalty for England. For the first time in his life, he actually looked like he was shitting himself and it was reflected in his penalty that he passed to Buffon. England should probably practice penalties or what would be even easier is to actually try and win a game in 90 minutes. This is a magical tactic that is employed by most of the successful nations.