Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Buy replica shirts, get superpowers

Scientists have warned supporters that replica shirts have dangerous levels of chemicals and have even suggested that Poland's shirt should be banned.

Europe's consumer watchdog isn't actually a dog but a group of nerds who worry about things like the contents of football strips. According to them, a large number of strips belonging to the competing nations have above the legal level of lead for children. Why there is lead in the strips is a complete mystery to me, perhaps it's to make them stab proof from all the mental fans. 

Host country, Poland's strip contains an organotin compound. It is supposed to prevent you getting bad body odour when sweating but in high levels can be toxic to the nervous system. A small price to pay if you ask me to ensure your armpits remain fresh smelling. A chemical called nonylphenol, which is harmful to the environment was found in the Italy and Spain shirts. I guess with the Euro collapsing nobody really cares about anything anymore.  

My advice is to buy and wear as many of the replica shirts as possible. You never know you could wake up one day and find you have super-strength or the ability to fly. There is a high chance you could get cancer or become paralysed from the waist down. Hopefully I will end up more like Professor X than Stephen Hawking.