Saturday, 23 June 2012

Angela Merked

My illustrious counter-part was actually at this game and I'm definitely not jealous at all. He had the pleasure of watching his beloved Greece get raped in the flesh but at least he saw plenty of goals and probably drank his weight in delicious Polish beer.

Joachim Loew is one cool bastard. Despite his team winning all three of their group games, he thought he would change Germany's front three just because he can and the result was four goals. Greece have been slightly defensive in this tournament and by slightly I mean ridiculously. I'm not really sure what they thought would happen if they did nothing but defend against Germany but what did happen was a 4-2 defeat. How they scored two is a mystery.

My hero Philip Lahm opened the scoring late in the first half with a lovely strike from outside of the box. The camera panning to Angela Merkel celebrating made me throw up in my mouth. At half-time I thought there would be absolutely no way of the Greeks coming back into it but incredibly Georgio Samaras of all people equalised. JJ (the other one) actually looks a bit like Samaras, I'd like to think it was actually him that ran on the pitch and scored - before getting arrested and deported.

At 1-1 the Germans didn't panic because they are German, and as far as I know panicking is punishable by death in Germany. Khedira thundered in a volley to make it 2-1 after the Greek defense had been pulled side to side for ten minutes, it was like when you shine a light for a cat to chase after. Maybe it's just my cat, he's a retard. Klose scored his 1,000th goal for his country with a header and then just for fun- Marco Reus volleyed in the ball at 100mph off the bar to score into an open goal, when he could have just tapped it in.

Greece scored a penalty about the 90th minute but it was too little too late. Greece will now stop watching football and go back to coffee drinking, smoking and rioting. Germany will probably meet England at some stage, England will lose on penalties and Gareth Southgate will appear in a Pizza Hut advert. Is it 1996?