|please have sex with me|
The Blackburn boss was apparently stunned to see an intruder break into the club's training complex and charge towards him during training on Monday. The offender was wrestled to the ground by Kean's personal bodyguard, The Big Show, who choke-slammed him before climbing the walls and preparing to leap with steel chair in hand.
"OMG IT WAS SO TERRIFYING ARHHHGHGGGGH" said an innocent onlooker, who had to be taken away by ambulance to be resuscitated. When they got into surgery the head surgeon looked up and said 'I can't operate on this boy' and then the other doctors went 'oh no - how come?' and then he said 'because this isn't what I wanted. I always wanted to.... DANCE'
And then he busted into an awesome 80s routine where the Bee Gees sang and everyone had cheeseburgers. They all had a nice time. The end.