Saturday, 26 May 2012

Sepp Blatter hates penalties

Freedom hater Sepp Blatter has called out for another method of deciding games to be invented to stop the heartache of penalty shootouts, even though it's widely accepted that penalties are awesome.

The FIFA president has sent his evil henchman Franz Beckenbauer to try and figure out a new way to decide games than making players take turns to kick a ball at a massive goal 12 yards away. Really? Your only job in a penalty shoot out is to put the ball in the goal. That's really easy. It's also really exciting and hilarious when people like John Terry miss or when England players miss, and yeh basically if you are a footballer and can't score a penalty there's something wrong.

I've been trying to think of a better idea than penalties for hours now and I don't think there is one. Unless they have like a drawing competition or a fight to the death. That should be the solution to most of life's questions. If I were to say to you, look we need to cut expenses by 50% by Tuesday and you said "well we can either all try and draw a horse or... I guess we'll have to fight to the death" I would choose.... drawing a horse. Do you have to win the competition to stay alive? I've forgotten the rules, let's just have penalties.