Monday, 14 May 2012

Ruud Van Nistelrooy is retired

Former Manchester United striker Ruud Van Nistelrooy has retired from football in order to finally follow his dream of being a professional animal hunter.

Ruud plans to navigate African plains shooting wild creatures like cheetahs and lions, applying his taxidermist skills and child like fanaticism of Thunder Cats to create the creepiest living room ever.  Actually he might not do this and instead will reflect on his ridiculous goal scoring record which is really good, except for at Malaga where he scored 5 goals.  In other news, this guy was meant to be a panther:

He looks nothing like a panther.  Good night, sweet prince!  I will never forget that moment you missed a penalty and Martin Keown jumped all up in your face.  If that didn't make you go on a murderous rampage, nothing will.