If Jesus exists, he is probably Philipp Lahm. Easily the most consistent full-back for the last god knows how long, Lahm is a beast going forward, he can defend, he is extremely two-footed and he has that good old German ruthless efficiency instilled in his big German brain.
In the build up to this weekends final which is being played in Munich, Lahm was asked about John Terry and his red card. He basically said that he couldn't believe it because as the captain, he would do anything to help his team and John Terry is a twat. Why would you knee someone up the arse in a semi-final against Barcelona, leaving your team one player down and costing yourself a place in the final? Phil says that Bayern are only thinking about winning and defeat in his hometown is unthinkable.
If it goes to penalties then there is only one winner. If aliens came down with a giant laser and said "we have decided that Earth is really annoying and we will blow the whole place up, unless one of your earthlings can score a penalty against Zinar the mighty Goalkeeping" - I would probably choose Phil Lahm. The chances of that happening are quite slim but stranger things have happened, Paul Gascoigne is still alive.