Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Neil Mellor is fat and has to retire

The headline is true, although the two things are not related. Once upon a time in Scouseland, Mellor was a young starlet at Liverpool but now he has been forced into retirement at the tender age of 29.


Neil Mellor joins the list of Dean Ashton and other players who I cannot remember on the career ruined by injury list. My only real memory of him is as a portly youngster scoring a volley against Arsenal. I think he maybe scored in the Champions League once but it didn't take long for his knees to start turning into sawdust. 

Unfortunately for Neil his knees were not built for professional football and despite a series of operations, he has had to call it a day before they exploded and left him in a wheel-chair. Barring a "miracle" cure he is probably going to get really fat so I hope he manages to find someone to donate their kneecaps soon.

Things are going better for his brother Will Mellor who has had no shortage of TV work since he first played "Jambo" in Hollyoaks. Remember when Luke Morgan got raped in the first ever Hollyoaks late night special? That wasn't fun, why did I stay up to watch that? Why did I even watch Hollyoaks? If only I did my homework back then, maybe I would know things about chemistry and physics- rather than what Luke Morgan's bum looks like.