Lionel Messi broke record books everywhere last night by scoring a hat-trick and hitting 68 for the season. HE'S NOT HUMAN
The drugged up midget machine has smashed Gerd Muller's 39 year long record in a largely unsuccessful season for Barcelona, with the club only having the potential to win the Spanish Cup, whatever that might be called. Ronaldo on the other hand is punching his hand through various computer screens all over town as he sees the Argentinean being hailed as the best player ever, even though he's only scored like 10 less and won the league.
Ronaldo would pretty much have to start his own country and win the World Cup to make all the football hipsters love him more than Lionel. Or he could grow a moustache and start telling everyone how he listened to M83 before they were big because everyone wants to know that. Remember, you liked FitbaThatba before it was cool so you should make posters with that written on it and then send us money.