Monday, 14 May 2012

Joey Barton is mental

Joey Barton is a really reformed nice guy pacifist, which is why he went absolutely tits and started trying to kill people in his last game against Manchester City.  Hooray!

If you haven't seen it, you have to.  It was honestly some of the funniest television I have ever seen.  Carlos Tevez gave the QPR captain a sly kick in a chase for the ball, so Barton retaliated by elbowing him in the face.  This is still illegal in the game of football, and real life too, so the referee very unfairly decided to send him off.  Initially Joey was very happy with the red card and decided to tell Sergio Aguero about it, by kicking him very hard in the leg.  Not content with this double streak, the midfielder moved on towards Vincent Kompany to try and headbutt him to try and complete the combo and win more points, or gold coins, or whatever it is he's trying to achieve on the planet he lives on.

My favourite part of the whole thing was the little angry face he did as he assaulted Sergio Aguero when he realised that his plea of 'Tevez hit me first' wasn't going to work on the referee.  This is the same guy who last week tweeted this btw:

How many times does this guy want to try and prove that he's a reformed character?  I actually quite respect the man for the steps he's taken to try and wise up: cutting out alcohol, embracing literature and anger management and stopping stubbing out cigars in youth players' eyes.  His talent is undeniable but ffs man, what is wrong with you?  Stop punching people, you retard.

Barton went on to claim that he was actually being really clever and didn't lose his head:
People are forgetting Tevez started the fracas by throwing a punch to the head.
"Can do nothing but apologise to the players and the fans. Still don't think its a sending off.  
The head was never gone at any stage, once I'd been sent off, one of our players suggested I should try to take one of theirs with me. It never worked but god loves a trier
That sounds fair, Joey.  The bad man started it so you're completely justified elbowing him in the face.  It's like in the Spar yesterday when that old man accidentally knocked a bag of crisps out of my hands so I gave him an uppercut.  Speaking of stuff coming out of arses, here's more from Barton today as he desperately tries to escape the hole he's dug, like a lobster trying to climb out of a bucket, with the bucket being one they found round the back of a prison and the lobster being evil.
Right, enough about yesterday, I apologise to everyone offended by it.
If that's not enough for some, so be it. Life is too short. 
Things happen on the pitch, in the heat of battle sometimes. Not how we always plan them to happen.
I'm pretty sure the only way to fix this guy now is send Gordon Ramsay round to tell him to get his head out of his arse, get Jack Bauer to blow something up in the background and then have the Avengers come round and have like a really weird disco with loads of penguins.  And yeh that maybe sounds a little weird but it makes sense because none of these things will ever, ever happen.