I haven't used a good old "not" joke in a long time. "Preferred" bidder Bill Miller has withdrawn his bid for Rangers and so the saga drags on.
Bill Miller is a smart man, it only took him a few weeks to realise that Rangers' fans are awful and the club are financially crippled beyond the point of turning into something profitable. A rather large statement was made by Miller, who never actually visited Scotland when all these talks were happening. It turns out that a lot of information was withheld from Miller and co until after they had started to seriously look into buying the club.
He also made reference to the "yank go home" banner that was displayed. That's how to treat a man who had visions of bailing your club out of the financial black-hole it has found itself in. The administrators say that there are still three serious bidders in the frame. The Administrators sounds like a scenester indie band or a really shit WWE wrestling group.
Hopefully tonight I will win the Euromillions and I can save Rangers from extinction. Although I may force them to do "hail Marys" before kick off and play in green and white. This article was actually a lot longer and funnier but it didn't save and I cannot remember anything I wrote. I'm so annoyed that I actually smashed up my laptop into a million pieces and I'm writing this using magic that I bought in the Apple store.
Disclaimer: I am not religious and I am joking. Hopefully that will stop all those bullets from being delivered.