Thursday, 24 May 2012

Emile Heskey is abandoned

Rampant sexual beast lord Emile Heskey has been released by Aston Villa because:
"he's absolutely shite"

Poor Emile, I used to think he was great.  I remember when he came on the scene with Leicester and scored a few goals against Newcastle and then his career just sky rocketed as he stopped scoring goals wherever he went.  At the age of 34, Heskey now finds himself in a situation where he must learn to fend for himself in the wild and truly learn what it is to be the hunter.  Be warned mortal human, for hiding up trees does not stop him from getting you, and once those powerful bear arms have taken their grip he will bestow upon you the happiest, fuzziest hug you've ever had.  The endorphins rush through your brain and the feeling will be so climactic that you will never feel quite as happy again and will long for his warm embrace, searching for it anywhere you can, until eventually you collapse on the bridge of a train station condemning your God for the futility of life and dying as you poo yourself.

I'm sure it's Emile Heskey I'm thinking of here.  It might be drugs.... but I'm preeeeetty sure it's Heskey.