Monday, 14 May 2012

Darren Mackie is awesome

World superstar Darren Mackie has left Aberdeen after a 14 year spell with the club.  The ungrateful Scottish club refused to pay him lots of money and so he's now homeless or possibly just moving somewhere else.  I can't be expected to research every little detail.

The Dazzler signed off his Aberdeen career in typical fashion, by helping them draw 0-0 in a game that the BBC summarised by saying: "nothing really happened here".  The striker applied his goalscoring skills to his last game by missing various chances, disappearing from the match entirely for periods of time, but still trying really, really hard.  He said:
"It would have been nice to sign off with a goal, but it wasn't to be. It's just the way football goes, and I've missed easier chances in my time here. It was a great game.  It's hard to say what I'll miss most. I've loved every minute of it. It's a great bunch of boys, and the staff here are terrific but life goes on. I'll need to sort myself out, and wish Aberdeen all the best of luck for the future."
I once served Darren and some other Aberdeen players in a pub I used to work in when I accidentally brought one burger too many over to their table.  Even though they should probably have said that I was an idiot they didn't and the food just sorta sat there until I realised and took it to the right table.  I'm really good at customer service, you see.  The reason I told you this is to show just how much of an athlete Darren Mackie is - he can eat disgusting Scream pub food and still manage to score 5 goals a year as a team's main striker.  Phenomenal.

Darren, we will miss you with all our hearts.  Thank you.  My favourite bit was when you skinned some players and launched a fucking rocket from about 30 yards through a guys legs in to the top corner of Motherwell's net, because that was the best goal I've ever seen at Pittodrie.  Except when Jamie Smith scored against Rangers, and when Eoin Jess scored against Rangers.  Basically any goal against Rangers and that goal.