Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Paul Scholes to play on forever

Remember when Paul Scholes was retired? How stupid was that? Now he's back and has realised how easy the Premier League is, he has decided to play for another season at the tender age of 56.


Perhaps I've made this up but I'm pretty sure Manchester United have dropped only two points in all the games that Paul Scholes has played in the league this season. I'm not sure how many games that is but I'm sure somebody could tell me. Patrick Vieira gave the worst prediction since the Y2K bug when he said that Man Utd were showing signs of desperation when they talked Scholes out of retirement. He should have focused his time and energy on creating a search party for David Silva, I haven't seen him for months, luckily Gareth Barry has stepped in to fill the creative void until his safe return.

Scholes is the most techincally gifted English midfielder of our generation. People always say he can't tackle, he can. He just likes to foul people and knows when to give free kicks away. Once a second striker, then an attacking midfielder, then a deep lying play maker - he is now an OAP and just does whatever he wants. This mainly consists of showing Michael Carrick how to pass a ball more than 10 yards. England used to play Scholes on the left of midfield, he's 38 and still their best central midfielder. You really did have some terrible managers.

"OK Scholes you are probably our best player, where do you play for your club?"
"Centre-mid..."
"you're on the wing"
"are you left footed?"
"not really..."
"great, you're playing left wing. Now make sure you get plenty crossed in for Vassell and Heskey"

Ryan Giggs has given Scholes some of his immortality juice and the pair of them shall appear in Manchester United shirts again next season for the 10,000th time. I'm not quite sure what happens when Ryan Giggs stops playing, does football stop? What happens when Alex Ferguson dies? Somebody get me the Mayans on the phone, I need answers.