Monday, 9 April 2012

Mancini will probably definitely sell Balotelli

Balotelli managed to completely piss off Roberto Mancini yet again yesterday by trying to get sent off as many times as possible. If, by some miracle Mancini isn't sacked, he says he will probably sell Balotelli in the summer, personally packing his bags and driving him to the airport.

It's easy to forget that underneath his mental exterior, hiding under a blanket of lunacy is actually one of the most talented, young footballers in the world. Balotelli has more than a goal every two games this season, which as everyone knows is the minimum requirement for a decent striker. Torres and Carroll seem to have confused a goal every two games with a goal every lunar eclipse, an easy mistake to make.

Mario was lucky not to get sent off for implanting his studs in the leg of Alex Song in the first half, and Song was lucky not to end up with a new titanium rod implanted where his leg once resided. Song is a warrior and would probably keep playing so we could finally use the headline, "in rod we trust". Everyone knew he would get himself sent off if he wasn't withdrawn, including Mancini, but for some reason he didn't and he was.
After the game Mancini looked a broken man; the look of a man who had finally given up. Like that moment when a Father has realised that his son isn't going through a "phase" and he really will spend the rest of his life driving around in a Vauxhall Nova listening to Flo Rida. The rest of his life is expected to last only a few years as he dies in his early 20s after taking on a double bend at 90mph, under the illusion that adding a spoiler and giant exhaust, makes him a racing driver.

Which leads us neatly back to Mancini and Manchester City's metaphorical car crash. They have been truly terrible away from home recently and Alex Ferguson has mind-fucked Man United to another title. If I spent hundreds of millions of pounds at my place of work, they would first of all be highly suspicious and secondly ask what I have to show for it. If I said nothing, I'd probably get sacked and that is what should happen to Mancini. City have easily the best squad and they are going to end up with zero trophies, despite spending a zillion pounds trying to win the worst ever (in terms of quality) Premier League. I guess money can't buy you success, only Mourinho with money can do that.

Mancini says he would sell Balotelli because he cannot trust him to keep his head and despite the talent he brings, he needs 11 players to win most games. A fair point but I don't think Balotelli will be caring this summer when he's dicking around with fireworks and writing off more sports cars.  Meanwhile Mancini will be trying to find another job where yet again he'll prove he's not actually very good at managing, unless the other teams get banned for corruption of course, then he's alright.