Chelsea captain John Terry is very pleased to learn that even if Chelsea do beat Bayern Munich on their home ground in the Champions League final, with 0 players, he is banned from lifting the trophy. Did I say pleased? I meant sad potato
Yes, shockingly UEFA takes exception to racists occasionally, even though on this occasion Terry's crime was simply kicking someone up the arse for absolutely no reason. Since UEFA doesn't want banned players from lifting the trophy, Terry will have to just sit and be quiet, unless Chelsea rebel against the system and hand it over to him anyway. This would just be "frowned upon" as opposed to 'not allowed at all' but I think you'd be hard pushed to find someone in that Chelsea team who takes rules into their own hands. Maybe Ashley Cole can take his gun and accidentally shoot some medical students while they're up there. What a lovely bunch of lads!
Meanwhile, Andre Villas-Boas draws pictures of his own face in a lonely basement, drinking gin straight from the bottle and using $100 bills to mop away his tears, like a serial killer on x-files but more handsome.