Friday, 27 April 2012

Guardiola resigns, Tito rises

Sexy trophy winner Pep Guardiola has announced his decision to resign from Barcelona at the end of the season, handing over the reigns to his assistant Tito Vilanova.


The former Barca captain has won 13 trophies in 4 seasons with the Catalan giants, inscribing his place as the most successful manager ever in the club's history. In these few short years he managed to make arguably the greatest ever club side make other rivals look like amateurs and he's also very responsible for how awesome Lionel Messi is. He's not dead, so there's no need to get emotional. This is what he told the press conference:

"At the beginning of December I announced to the chairman that I was seeing the end of my era at Barcelona,"

"Time has taken its toll - I rise each day and don't feel the same. I am going with the understanding that I have done my duty.

"You can only recover by resting and getting away from everything. It would have been a bad idea to continue. Perhaps it would not have gone wrong but I have the perception that it would. It is my time to go.

"Now we are out of the two main competitions it is a good time to announce this. I did not want to continue with the confusion.

"I want to thank my players who are responsible for everything that has happened here. I don't want to manage at the moment."

So basically he's just absolutely fucked from running the best team ever non-stop for the last 4 seasons. Now the former midfielder plans to go on a gap year to Thailand so he can try lots of different pills and have sex with people he won't remember, finally getting a job just wherever the fuck he wants after that, because he's Pep Guardiola.

It's the absolutely perfect time for him to go as we seem to have reached the absolute peak of 'sexy passing football' and get ready to beckon in a new era of whatever Germany win the championship with this Summer. Poor Tito now has the choice of either making Barcelona play the only way they know how, or trying something different, which if you go by how well AVB managed it earlier this year, should work amazingly. It's like he passed him the baton having tied his shoelaces together first - there's only really one way this can go and it's usually YouTube. Or in Tito's case, the land of unfulfilled dreams. Terry Connor is already there, weeping. What a happy time!