Chris Eagles is so bad at driving that he has been banned for a year. The Bolton winger was caught using his mobile phone whilst behind the wheel and that's the story. Let's see how I flesh this one out.
Eagles already had 7 points on his license for speeding and other stuff like that but his latest offence was the last straw for the law, who have now ordered him to take the bus to work, or hire a chauffeur. I'd get a chauffeur who had an incredible past, who has saved lives during the war but is still really on the ball and has great stories to tell. Then I could wind the window up while he's talking in order to remind everyone of how important I am. And he'd feel sad. Then one day we'd drive past a field and he'd stop the car, dash out of the door and sprint towards the middle of it, dramatic music accompanying each stride. I would follow until I find him frantically digging away at the ground next to a monument, and shout 'WTF ARE YOU DOING'. Then, as if by magic, a treasure chest would appear. And who would be inside that treasure chest? The hot rabbit from the old Dairy Milk Caramel adverts! BUT WOULD YOU DO HER? You can't my friends, for she is a cartoon rabbit.