Over-rated Spanish failures Barcelona let a ten man Chelsea team draw 2-2 and book their places in the Champions Leauge final. To make things even worse, Fernando Torres scored. Guardiola out!
Sergio Busquets scored, Iniesta got a second, Terry was sent off and Ramires chipped Valdez from 20 yards. That was it. Then Lionel Messi missed a penalty because he's shit and then Chelsea just tried not to concede for 45 minutes. It was a bit like the scene at the start of Saving Private Ryan except less people died and also it was on a football pitch and not in a war. You idiot.
With Gary Cahill injured and Terry crying, Chelsea paired Jose Bosingwa with Ivanovic at the back and gradually most of their team earned bookings to make sure they'd miss the final. Blah blah blah some stuff happened and then finally someone punted a ball upfield and Barcelona either forgot to mark newly substituted Fernando Torres or just didn't think it was worth doing, and he ran the length of Barcelona's half, rounding the keeper and making Gary Neville jizz everywhere. If you weren't watching he basically came in the commentary box when Torres scored. "URGHGHGHHGGH OOOHOHHHHHHHHHHH"
After the game Geoff Shreeves sandbagged Branislav Ivanovic by telling him he was now banned from the final and everyone that works for Sky tried to tell us that it was the greatest game of all time. No-one makes Ivanovic cry so he ate Geoff Shreeves, live on camera. What? You don't believe me? Yeh you should probably read the BBC for your match report. And now I can tell you all about my exciting train journey. It all began long ago....