Thursday, 22 March 2012

Tony Pulis has the best lawyer ever

Stoke manager Tony Pulis has managed to escape a driving ban by using the worst excuse I've ever heard.

Tony Pulis was caught doing 92mph in a 60mph zone. It was after he had just watched his team get hammered 5-0 by Bolton last November so he wanted to get home as quickly as possible to drink a bottle of whisky whilst listening to Slayer.

TP already had 12 points on his license so any further driving offences should have resulted in his license being revoked immediately. Then again Tony Pulis is a football manager and if you represent a club in the Premier League, normal laws do not apply. Look at Harry Redknapp.

His solicitor goes by the name of Mike Stephenson and if you ever kill someone I would suggest hiring this man. He successfully argued that if Pulis had his license taken away, it would mean that Stoke would get relegated and this would have hugely negative consequences for the whole city.
"They would suffer if they were relegated as a result - and the children who he would not be able to assist and the people of Stoke could suffer if Mr Pulis lost his licence."
The Judge then said, "well you are rich, just get a fucking chauffeur or something?". Again Pulis with the help of the devil Mike Stephenson, argued that he could not use a chauffeur in case he overheard any of his secrets related to his team tactics or future transfers. Not sure how the judge fell for that,  has he ever seen Stoke play? Their tactics for the last three years have been launch the ball upfront, cross your fingers and hope that it somehow ends up in the net.

Regardless, Mr Pulis with help from his lawyer managed to avoid losing his license. Instead he got a £2,500 fine and destroyed my faith in our country's justice system. At least the city of Stoke has been saved and will continue to be the charming, cosmopolitan, cultural hot bed that it's always been. Oh wait, it's a massive shit-hole.