Thursday, 22 March 2012

Steve Kean has a terrifying warning for Junior Hoilett

Junior Hoilett has impressed lots of people who have watched Blackburn Rovers play this year and none more so than Steve Kean who is very frightened that he'll leave literally anywhere he can in the summer.

Kean has warned the Canadian forward that even though he can move anywhere he wants in 6 months at the end of his contract, doing so would be a grave error because he might end up on the bench!  At Blackburn he's a first choice, guaranteed game starter, but if he moves to the lofty heights and glamorous lifestyle at Newcastle, Arsenal or Bayern as he's been linked, Steve warns his development growth will be stunted like when someone murders a dwarf.
"We want him to stay here because he's playing out of his skin. Would he play week in week out if he went to another club? I don't know.
"We hope that we can get ourselves into a position of safety and then make him an offer."
If that doesn't work, Kean plans to black up and pretend to be Hoilett Snr, hoping that putting on Mufassa's voice, hiding in his cupboard and saying things like "everything you see before you will one day be yours" and "You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba" will change his mind.  I think it'll work up until the point he gets run over by a herd of wildebeests.  I have no idea how or why he'd get that many dangerous wild stampeding animals in Hoilett's closet but I guess that's the kind of clever thinking that stops me from being a Premier League manager.