Roger Johnson has a name like a pornstar and also he likes to get drunk because life is miserable when you play for Wolves. Sometimes alcohol is the only answer.
Captain Roger turned up for work as pissed as a ferret on Monday, drowning the sorrows caused by the life changing realisation that he still lives near Birmingham. I woke up wearing all my clothes yesterday morning because I also consumed too many Punk IPAs but I was off work that day, and also my job does not involve extreme athleticism. I'm pretty sure I was supposed to be off anyway.
Roger has also earned himself a £50,000 fine for being too hammered to train with the first team and I think he deserves a high five for being such a cool guy about the whole thing. Everyone should be allowed to get very drunk now and again, like that time Jack and I woke up on a tennis court wearing boiler suits and crash helmets. I'd like to think that's what this guy did too but actually he probably cried tears of sadness on his own, in his lonely house, as he awaits the impending relegation that threatens to ruin his career. Happy women's day, everyone!