Not only do they owe the tax man about £80million and are owed another £9million from their owner, but the entire team has started to fall apart. Losing at Hearts might not seem like such a disaster in the grand scheme of things, but it's notable for the fact alone that it will probably prove to be the last game for a whole bunch of players, as Rangers are set to announce redundancies all over the place on Monday.
It was hoped that by not revealing who was getting sacked before the 'big game', the players would put in the performance of their lives and inspire their evil side to a delicious victory against Vladimir Romanov's mind puppets. This worked perfectly, if by perfectly you mean "I am so happy that Sone Aluko paid for himself to move to that club".
In order to decide on the redundancies the club must carry out the traditional method of putting the players through an episode of Fun House to see who gets fired and who gets to stay. Kirk Broadfoot will die after getting lost in the balloon tunnel, Allan McGregor will drive one of the go-karts in to a wall and Barry Ferguson will learn that he didn't have to search for courage all along at all, because he's an enormous vagina.