Maccabi Haifa played a game against someone else the other day. A game they could never win. Why? Because Dynamo Kiev have harnessed the power of NATURE!
Kiev are only trying out their god-like powers in training matches at present, as we can see in the above video, but it is a clear indication that teams all over the world need to begin preparing themselves for taking on these superhuman beings. Barcelona have Lionel Messi, the footballing equivalent of Captain America, formed in a laboratory and unleashed to protect Catalan football from any team with ambitions of grandeur. Arsenal have RVP and Real Madrid have Ronaldo, but even these three players combined are not enough to repel attacks of this magnitude. The only solution we have is to complete the research and finally harness the remaining powers of fire, earth, water and heart in order to prevent Kiev from ruling the world.
Abramovich has reportedly made an £80million bid for Captain Planet in light of the news, but a stumbling block in the contract appears to be his strict 'no mullets' rule. Because Captain Planet has a mullet. What were we talking about again?