Despite having the public relations skills of a murderous potato, Mike Ashley has managed to guide Newcastle United from cash leaking optimists to money making European contenders, with the club set to announce £10million profits for this financial year. Hooray!
The obese owner has invested rather a lot of his own money into Newcastle United despite a large majority of its fans regularly calling for him to be transported far, far away. While rival chairmen and club owners around the ground have probably spent many an evening laughing at the terrible choices Ashley appears to have made, now they will be choking on their tiger bones as their own clubs struggle to break even, and the magpies succeed both on and off the pitch. I assume that tiger bones is what rich people eat. It definitely isn't crisps you found on the floor. Sad face.