Saturday, 3 March 2012

Mario Balotelli might get fined. Again.

Mario Balotelli really likes to go out and have fun but this is a problem because it means he doesn't turn up for work as sharp as his boss might like.  If my boss fined me for it I probably wouldn't be drinking lots of wine right now either but I probably won't be on national TV tomorrow.


The Italian striker scored a tap in during City's 2-0 victory over Bolton today but he probably should have scored about 4, neglecting to put the ball in the net when he was supposed to do.  This is meant to be because he was out past 11pm on Thursday night or something ridiculous like that, because 21 year old men with a million bucks shouldn't be out licking champagne off strippers' tits.  I can verify that this isn't something you should do in Aberdeen in particular, as my late friend Dave would attest.  Not because he died, just because strippers are absolutely fucking disgusting in this city and he's late to tell you about it.  They are all without exception, class A monsters.  Once I thought I saw a hot one in a strip club we found ourselves in, but then she took off her thong and a tentacle stole my pint and fed it to the unborn creature growing inside her womb.  And that was just the bar girl.  Ho ho ho.

When Balotelli did score he celebrated by looking angry about it and in the post match interview Mancini said:
"I didn't read the newspapers, 
Tomorrow I will speak with him. If everything is true I will do the maximum fine that I can do."
If there's one thing we've learned about Mario Balotelli it's that he really cares about being fined.  This is a man who used to collect £10,000 parking fines because it was more convenient than parking his car in a rape station, or as some of you morons call it, 'a car park'.  I'm lucky my Dad taught me real knowledge.