Monday, 5 March 2012

Mancini wants Balotelli to get married

Roberto Mancini has decided that the best way to get Mario Balotelli to behave is by getting him married or continually fining him.  I think the two are pretty much the same thing in real life though or at least according to EVERY saturday afternoon standup comedian ever.

Mario Balotelli is young, good looking, already a top footballer and an absolute idiot of the highest standards.  I mean this in the good way you can describe someone as an idiot, because if you gave me 5% of his money I would have done almost exactly the same things as him already except not as exciting because I'm not cool. The Italian striker was caught partying in Liverpool on Thursday night, an entire day before City's game against Bolton, and Mancini has fined him £250,000 for his efforts, adding:
It could be that marriage would help him in that respect,’ he said. ‘That could be the answer, because I am sure he understands that he has made a mistake.  Mario is like this, but there is nothing we can do if he does not eventually realise he cannot keep doing this.
If he does get married I guess it would mean that he wouldn't be able to go out and have fun with his friends, or play computer games whenever he wants, or listen to good music at whatever volume and he could choose what movies he actually wants to watch instead of things with Hugh Grant in them.  I can't figure out why he hasn't considered that option yet - it just sounds so enticing.  Why yes darling I think we should definitely buy more candles, while we're at it you could probably just remove my balls as well since no-one has any use for them anymore.