Friday, 9 March 2012

Man sues church because God stopped him playing football

Some mental case is suing the evangelical church because he believes that dedicating his life to God cost him a chance of playing for Manchester United. That pesky God, he/she/it's to blame for everything that goes wrong in the world isn't he/she/it?

I think this is the man in question, Arquimedes Nganga or it could be purple Aki. He was a Portuguese third division player but gave up football for Jesus. Now he wants to sue the Baptist chuch for £10m because he quit playing when he was 25. You see if he kept playing, he would have made at least £20,000 a week for Manchester United in the Premier League.
 "I could definitely have had a long career in the Premiership. I see many players playing today who I am not inferior to - and perhaps even better than. Most midfielders are either defensive or attacking but I was both. I had something new."
Manchester United fans must be devastated, think of how terrible their central midfielders were in the 90s? You could have had Nganga in there and maybe actually won some trophies. This man has inspired me, I think I am going to sue Tennent's lager and Konami. If it wasn't for beer and Pro Evo I would probably be playing for Barcelona right now. Most Barcelona players are either defensive or attacking but I was both. I am also a goalkeeper.  Plus I'm quite good at Football Manager so I could have been player/coach and made even more money. How much should I sue them for? This guy quite clearly just made up a number, I'll aim low and go for £2m. Wish me luck.