Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Lionel Messi is world's best paid player

Someone somewhere has compiled a very intrusive list of the top earning footballers in the world game.  I'm pretty sure little of it is based on fact but whatever.  Here's a list of people who could buy your soul:

Lionel Messi tops the charts with predicted earnings of £27.4million for the next financial year.  I think this is actually quite fair and have nothing else to add.

The mighty D-Beck surprisingly pops up in 2nd place in the world football rich list despite playing for a team in Los Angeles and not in the "real" league in England.  That's definitely the best league ever because Sky wouldn't lie.

Doomed to being the second greatest player of his generation, CR7 is also only the third richest footballer despite scoring 98 goals in 90 games since joining Real Madrid.  I think he's scored more goals than I have ever seen in actual football games at Pittodrie in my entire life.  That is of course removing the goal machine that was Mike Newell because I'm pretty sure he got at least 5.

Good old Sammy Eto'o comes in next but that isn't surprising since he's basically a boar sniffing out truffles when it comes to money.  He's always there for the round but when it's his turn he mysteriously disappears.... to the bank to deposit the shiny coins he found on the floor of the pub.  You can make a serious living if you do that btw.  I found a £10 note once.  I mean.... my friend did.  You wouldn't catch me picking up coins on my own in a nightclub haha what do you take me for?  I have friends........

*looks into distance* ......somewhere.

Some other players earn shit tons of money too but I've become bored of this article.  It entertains me no longer.  Wayne Rooney, Philip Lahm, Yaya Toure, Fernando Torres  and whoever else you want to throw in there.  They all have nicer lives.  Fucking Skeletor earns more money than I do and to the best of my knowledge he's not even real.