Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Lionel Messi breaks Barcelona scoring record

All hail our football overlord; Lionel Messi has scored his 234th official goal for Barcelona. He is now Barcelona's all time leading goal scorer. He is one year younger than me. Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense.


Barcelona beat Grenada 5-3 tonight and little Lionel grabbed himself another hat-trick just for fun. At the tender age of 24, he has broken the all-time Barcelona scoring record. There is some other guy who has more goals but he scored about 100 in friendlies and they definitely do not count because friendlies are wank.

According to football365, in 314 games he has 234 goals and 94 assists. Stewart Downing could become immortal and play football from now until our Sun burns up all it's energy and dies, and still not reach those figures. It's fair to say we are currently enjoying the best player we will see in our lifetime, unless Jesus is real and decides to come back as a footballer. Maybe he has? Maybe that's why he's always clean shaven?

I wonder where Messi keeps all his medals? There surely can't be any room left above the fireplace. He's probably bored of winning things by now and just chucks them in the bin, "oh look another Champions League medal. BIN". If I was to make a bucket list of things to do before I die, seeing Messi play for Barcelona would definitely be on there. It certainly beats swimming with dolphins because they are big headed jerks.