Jermaine Pennant looks like the kind of guy who stands in the corner of a nightclub trying to look cool and then a slutty white girl grinds him while he drinks bacardi breezers. Also he might have gone out doing something like this in the last few weeks, breaking Tony Pulis' curfew! OH MY GOD!
According to very unreliable sources, Jermaine was out drinking on the eve of Stoke's match against Everton, whenever that might have been, and he was dropped from the team for being inebriated. "Innocent until proven guilty!" I hear you cry, but there is no room for justice in FitbaThatba towers, only more DVDs I will never watch more than once and then immediately regret buying. It's like the shame of realising the horrible things you've just watched on redtube, except worse because it cost you money. If anyone I know is reading this, I have no idea what redtube is.
Here is a list of fun things that Jermaine Pennant has done in the past:
- Banned from driving for 16 months for driving the wrong way up a road in London
- Convicted of drink driving after driving his car into a lamppost whilst banned from driving
- Told police his name was Ashley Cole when they arrested him
- Charged with a public order offence for being very mean to his girlfriend
- This girlfriend left him after she watched him ploughing some other girl on his own in-house CCTV system
- His Dad was sentenced to prison for being a drug dealer
- Banged a whole bunch of glamour models
- Abandoned a Porsche somewhere in Zaragoza because he couldn't be arsed paying several months of parking tickets
I stole the story from the Daily Mail and the list of things he did from wikipedia and now I'm going to have something to eat because I am hungry. I think I will buy chips. Would you like chips too? I will try sending you them on Skype. I can't believe we don't have that technology yet! Steve Jobs is so lazy these days